Fan, about her clients:
“I guess it isn’t really orthodox to answer using negatives and say that my clients aspire to ‘less pain’ and ‘less suffering’ but it’s true!
They aspire to more pleasure and fulfillment in their relationships and they also want to live a life that is line with their values. They want more from life than what they are currently looking at…”
NB: Every individual is unique and often comes with a unique set of circumstances. The facts mentioned below may or may not resonate with you. To find out how I can help you and what you might need to know please CLICK HERE to get in touch.
1- When do you feel most connected to Route To Love?
All the time! I’m doing it and I’m being it!
This work is my life, my practice. I need this work for myself and my relationships with all others, as much as I enjoy offering it to others. Some of the concepts that I cover in my work I carried from childhood to now.
The difference is, today I have found a name for it and created a system to share what I have to share. I feel amazingly blessed when I know I am doing my bit to positively contribute to this world in what I believe is an empowering and paradigm-shifting way.
2- When you think of the people you have helped with Route To Love, what are the common worries they have been having?
The common themes are that my clients are either frustrated with themselves or with something or someone else. It could be their partner, the people around them or their work situation. The other ways it manifests are:
Itchy feet, wanting change, wondering if something is wrong with them, lack of passion, lack of fire, lack of direction, feeling stuck… These are only a few examples amongst many other forms this work tends to take.
Many of my clients have a lack of clarity about what is going on. Very often, there is a lot of fear or frustration at not being able to communicate what’s going on in a way that really conveys how they feel. They often say: “It’s complicated”!
They are often stressed over a situation or are just overwhelmed in general. Sometimes, they are hurt or suffering from significant down spells. Often they need to talk that out and they need to be deeply and adequately listened to.
Some of my clients have been healing from a recent trauma, or something that has happened to them, and they are coming against frustrations about how to move on. This is where mentoring works best; when they are ready to move forward or do something about their situation.
3- So what are your clients frustrated about?
The common frustration is that they want something from someone, from life or from themselves and they don’t know how to get it. As a result they either feel there is something wrong with them, or they feel like they’ll do it or get there someday but right now there’s a lot in the way.
Some examples are:
• They feel frustrated about the fact that things just can’t quite change or happen quickly enough.
• They lack support.
• They are stuck in a particular situation knowing full well it is not where they want to be, but somehow they can’t get out of that situation. They either feel stuck in a cycle or cannot seem to find the power to change it.
4- What are some of the words that they use to describe how they feel after you have worked with them?
They feel a sense of relief for discovering that they have more answers and power within than they previously thought they had! They have more clarity, more direction and they feel empowered to take the next step at the very least.
Because I make my clients think, they feel more self aware. I help them connect with themselves in a way that they never quite have before.
I often hear that something seems to have shifted but they don’t quite know how. (Whereas I do…*smiles*)
5- What are they scared of?
They can be scared of many things. It it is scary to make changes because that will impact their loved ones and their environment. It is also scary for their comfort zone… I call comfort zone the hidden enemy, for example:
They are scared of failing at what it is they are trying to achieve. They are scared of judgments, fear rejection. They feel inadequate in approaching important relational situations in their life.
If we look deeper, they may be scared of facing some of the pains they are experiencing; sometimes digging into them is necessary but it can be, understandably so, a scary process.
Sometimes there is a fear of finding out that they might be wrong. I’d say one of the common fears is being scared of facing and taking on the responsibilities they know they would have to take in order to get what they want.
It is difficult to go it alone and it is often why they would need some extra help and support. Ongoing mentoring can be the missing piece when they are willing to invest maximum efforts.
6- Who else in their life is affected by their worries, fears & frustrations?
Well everyone really; everyone around them at varying degrees depending on how well they succeed in controlling themselves, how well they manage to hide or cope with what’s going on. It is quite common that the people closest to them are the ones who take the brunt of the real life consequences that their worries, fears and frustrations generate.
They might feel strongly about asking friends or family for help and that’s a good thing. Friends and relatives are usually eager to help and asking for help is a major shift forward. However in my experience there are times when you need very specific help; the type that is less emotionally attached to you and trained to facilitate the exploration of values, needs and the blocks that are in the way.
7- What are your clients controlling? What are they hiding from people?
Their frustrations, their fears, their worries that we have just mentioned above. The feeling of shame is often around and this can lead to incongruence or tendencies of split personalities. Their closest friends or family members may see them in all their vulnerability, and then see that same person acting completely differently with other friends, colleagues or strangers. It is common and often misunderstood. Shame can make us behave in strange ways. A good dose of Shadow Work can help to understand and deal with shame.
8- What might your clients be seeing in the people around them?
This is a tough one. Really, they can never truly know because authentic communication has often ceased in difficult times or has simply never really been present in certain relationships. Chances are they experience a lot of conflict or a lot of distance with the people around them.
From my perspective, I’d say people close to the client concerned probably feel those frustrations, those worries and fears too on some level. The people affected sometimes get impatient. They wished they knew how to help. Sometimes they have ceased seeing the good side of that person, the happy side because those concerns, those fears are so apparent and life consuming. Sustained compassion can be very difficult and I know that from personal experience. This is why getting themselves a mentor is more than a wise choice, it also releases pressure and expectations on the people around them.
9- What are some of the symptoms that someone might have when they need your help but maybe don’t know they need your help?
I can list them! There is always a limitation of some kind. They might experience the following:
• Stress • Trying but to no avail • Feel comfortable yet uninspired • Not enough money • Not enough time • Feeling like they have no choice • Lying to others because it is difficult to be truthful and openly share their own vulnerability • Blaming something that can’t directly be changed: i.e. work, boss, past, society, family…
Sometimes symptoms can be more insidious and might translate as:
• Lack of energy • Low self-esteem • Shyness • Recurrent conflicts with others • Discomfort with silence • Uneasy in social settings
Sometimes it can veer towards or hide within any number of medical conditions or chronic conditions. For example it can be clinical depression. It is important at this stage to stress that I am not a doctor nor a therapist.
What I do know is that the medical field often overlooks and clearly lacks in wholesome approaches to individuals’ plights. I will not take on any clients who are in a situation where they feel or advised that they cannot try to get the best out of life because of their medical conditions. I recommend that any suspicion of medical condition be medically assessed and medically attended to. Sometimes this is where it ends hopefully not eternally for some.
However whilst Route To Love is not a replacement for therapy, I can certainly take on clients who have some energy and are willing to try to get the best out of themselves despite their medical conditions. As a result their medical condition does not define all of them. Sometimes just making that shift can help them feel better. I want to again highlight that I do not claim to help any medical condition, I merely want to help the individual part that can still function and have dreams, ambitions, goals or things to work towards.
10- What are your clients desperately trying to avoid?
LOSS. They might have lost friends, trust in themselves, they might have lost their life partner, sense of belonging, sense of self worth, a love for life. The hidden enemy resurfaces: they might desperately be avoiding to lose their comfort zone! At worst, some may have thought of suicide or have had an unsuccessful attempt to. They have turned the situation against them so badly that they are really convinced there is something deeply or badly wrong with them. Again speaking from experience; when it gets to this stage I plead them to get help, whichever way to start with; movement is vital!
Some people may just feel a sense of emptiness and they’re avoiding being alone. They want more fulfillment and there is a fear that they might not be able to achieve it.
Sometimes avoiding boredom and silly mistakes that could cost them dear when in fact just the spice is missing and getting a little help on that is a very worthy thing to do in my book.
11- What’s the very worst that would happen if they didn’t get your help?
I trust that ultimately the right path would show up for them. My guess is that they would carry on with whatever is going on until they seek help. Or carry on that delusive relationship with with the hidden enemy: the comfort zone that is not so comfortable. Seeking help is not a desperate thing to do, it is taking active responsibility for yourself and what you want.
They might even give up, say bye to Love.
Or maybe, they decide to take a path of continual denial and refusal to deal with the situation. This results in continual conflict within and around them, possibly affecting other people’s lives in a hurtful and/or unpleasant way. They might choose to entertain themselves with the help of drugs or other means to forget about the creeping life and aliveness inside of them.
In my view the worse thing would be to give up. Point blank give up.
12- So the people that you have helped, what are they hopeful for?
A chocolate pancake… “laughs…” no… I used to run a Café making pancakes and I am pretty handy at making them.
It’s different each time in the details. The greater picture often is to get closer to Love. I know it sounds flowery but I am talking about essence here.
I can’t list all hopes but to give you an idea I would say my clients want improvement in those areas: purpose, relationships, life work, results/achievements, self-care, communication, connection, fulfillment, intimacy, understanding, friendship, openness, trust, conflict resolution, empowerment, support and more. The key is they must DARE TO! and work with me.
I root the essence of my work to Love. It’s always about Love somewhere & somehow.
13- If they’re honest with themselves, what are they a little bit over-optimistic about?
I would say they tend to be optimistic about how quickly things ought to change and how quickly things should happen. Yes change can happen fast sometimes but just like plants and food growing in nature don’t exactly speed up because we want them to; relationships are the same and so is anything to do with ‘live’ consequences. Just like thoughts and stories can grow very quickly in one’s mind, and yet, sometimes the realisation of them seems to take a lifetime!
It is quite natural for change to take longer than we imagine, it is often the journey towards change that is the most rewarding experience in the end. However with dedication and will power changes can be made sooner than you’d expect and rewards can be immediate. A support system like regular mentoring can make a big difference to achieving results faster and consistently.
14- And how many of their ‘wants’ or desires are their own? And how many of those have they borrowed?
Usually my clients will have ideas of what things should be like in their ideal world. Sometimes when working together we find that they haven’t necessarily connected with their values before. Sometimes there are inherent values that can be almost unconscious and taken for granted. Unwittingly they are ignoring or have depreciated their core values. This is important and it is a very common mistake. Sometimes it is also worth looking at those values in deeper ways to see whether they still fit their current self and/or situation.
How does that happen? Well I tend to think that part of our desires are borrowed ones that are based on values heavily advertised everywhere we look or consistently ‘recommended’ from family or other influential circles. I think we all have those to varying degrees. But you see our own desires and ‘wants’ are often based on what it is we know and have experienced. Therefore sometimes even those ‘wants’ and desires come from a limited knowledge of what is possible.
As a mentor, when working at the root level of their being, I encourage my clients to realise that they can want anything and achieve anything, but it is not always enough to want it badly. It’s a multi-dimensional journey with many layers of complexities. That is why I recommend structured and ongoing support.
When it comes to relationships in particular, I believe it is through them that we get to know who we truly are. It is often why relationships are challenging. They hold up a screen where you see where you are at. Sometimes the screen needs refreshing, just like those ‘wants’ & desires.
15- What do your clients love? Really truly and specifically what do they love?
I think deep down they love life actually. Or at least they want to love life and enjoy love. It sounds simple but I know from experience, it takes some doing!
I want to talk about what they want to finally enjoy loving. Why? Because when it gets difficult to love something they are wired and sometimes born to love, because of the circumstances they find themselves in, quickly the very things that they love become a heavy load or become their shadows, following them no matter the distraction tactic used!
I believe my clients want to enjoy loving their own company, their gifts, their talents. They want to enjoy success in their own definition. They want to enjoy loving their family, partner and friends. They want to have more self-love without jeopardizing it, de-prioritising it or even feeling guilty about it! They want to start taking themselves seriously and by that I mean they want to listen to that calling from within, and I absolutely honour that! If they don’t who will? They just have so many reasons, life experiences, arguments and challenges that get in the way and very nearly makes them go the other way, and give up on a good life and fulfilling love, or at least delay it. The bad news is no one is going to stop them doing that.
The reason they come to me is really because their natural instinct is to want to experience love and love life, to want to be loving and to want to be happy in love and life. Maybe they come to me because they have seen and been inspired by someone who loves life, loves their work and have found meaning & purpose, loves people and smiles a lot. Maybe because they have just attended a wedding and totally reconnected with a seed buried a while ago. So they get a calling to re-ignite that spark.
I see nothing wrong with that, on the contrary this is how we are meant to help each other. I often say there is a reason why there is more than one of us on this planet. If we were meant to go it alone, we would be alone. Engaging with another is how we grow. Engaging with me is how my clients grow and move from where they are now to where they want to be. I urge them to engage in whatever way suits them with life and love.
16- What exactly is Route To Love?
You know more than anything it is a journey. Sometimes this journey will take the form of a workshop, a retreat, a mentoring programme, a coaching session and more. Ideally I encourage people to make a long term investment in themselves by seeking ongoing support, so that they can make the significant breakthroughs and take the significant actions to get to where they want to be.
I would say it is a threefold approach: Find your vehicle – Understand how it works – Get on your Route To Love.
So if someone wants more info about your programs what do they do?
I would invite them to fill in this consultation form and send it to me, click HERE to see the form.
Alternatively any questions can be fired at firstname.lastname@example.org though I would ask that they please be respectful of my time and that they book a consultation with me if they are serious about working with me.
People can book a session with me directly by clicking HERE.
Please note: The Route To Love Mentoring Programmes are not a replacement for therapy. If mental illness is suspected please contact a health professional for proper diagnosis and care.
© 2012 Route To Love Ltd